Responding to an email with a question that was literally answered in the previous email should be reason enough to report someone to HR
Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice
All I’m saying is, no word’s meaning changes more as you age than the word party.
Opening a package of cheese within 2 miles of my dog is the plot to A Quiet Place 2
Your honor, this whole trial thing is really hurting my client’s feelings
Found a subreddit where they just post photos of TVs that are too high on the wall
This is a true ally.
Every Beastie Boys song is like “three little piggies, egg-fried rice, I spy some girlies and they all look nice”
Me: A psychiatrist? That’s silly. There’s no such thing as “too obsessed with bagels.”
Her: Says who?
Me: Sesame
*buys box of donut holes*
I won’t eat anything that casts a shadow
For every basket of laundry you put away, two more appear
Pineapple farms looks like someone said they were a pineapple farmer and got caught in the lie so just started chucking pineapples on the grass
If I’m ever in jail my one call is going to be to the Koolaid guy.
Updating my dating profile….
My husband isn’t being as helpful as I’d hoped tbh
Hold a grudge? I’m still mad at a song from 1995 that confused irony with coincidence.