you’re not really anticapitalist bro i remember that lemonade stand
I’m listening, but this 5-year-olds ‘polka-dotted dinosaur astronaut’ story better have a point
9yo is yelling at 13yo for eating most of the Froot Loops and 13yo is yelling at 9yo for finishing the box and I’m hiding in the breakfast room eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and hoping they don’t notice me because I don’t want to share.
With these gas prices, arson’s sure not the cheap thrill it used to be
My 7yo asked me if I comfortable and if I wanted a beer at 9am so now I know who my favorite is
A Free Range Chicken is easy to spot due to it’s backpack & rugged little hiking boots
I just tested negative for patience.
What if Billie Eilish’s Bad Guy was by Meghan Trainor?
I am all good here, 😂😉
Oh, you want me to join you at your family’s cabin? Should I tie myself up and climb into your trunk too?
Mystery novels gave me unrealistic expectations of how often murders would be committed by butlers
A kebab made by a librarian is a
Shhhhhish kebab
#RubbishJokes #KebabDay
#FridayVibe
I don’t always pick my nose in front of the window but when I do a neighbor will inevitably drive by
You’re right. My money don’t jiggle jiggle. That’s the folds of my dad bod. Yea. They wiggle wiggle too.
[on my deathbed] everyone’s in here, why are the lights on in the living room?