Just found out monkey pox is sexually transmitted .. just another win for me
Movie where someone thinks they’re a ghost and the plot twist is they were alive the whole time
Thought my kids were finally playing well together. Turns out they were just upstairs hammering nails in the wall. And that is the story of why I’m one hundred percent done with summer break.
“Mommy, guess what song this is!”
{Horrid shrieking on plastic harmonica}Um Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?
“No try again”
{Murder sounds}Ring Around the Rosie?
“No no, really listen!”
{My ears begin to bleed}(Voice quivering) Happy Birthday?
“Yes!”
(I begin to cry)
Little kids will ask why you’re crying & when you tell them the reason, they say something like “ok can I go finish my drawing?” Yeah go ahead, Dexter
sonic has been forcefully and unjustly removed from over 100 public pools. that is his walking speed. he wasn’t even running.
911: What’s your emergency?
I’m being held hostage by the Swedish mafia!
911: Are you being tortured?
They’re making me put together an IKEA Poäng chair
911: Just asking for a friend, but what color?
going to the bottom of the ocean anyone want anything
Wait for it…
This is *probably* the best villainous hair reveal in cinema history.
Wait for it…
This is *probably* the best villainous hair reveal in cinema history.
Men’s underwear watching them buy more t shirts
Nice try, NASA
I flossed the egg out of my teeth for this?
Honestly people shouldn’t even be allowed to talk until they’re like 35 years old.
idk flipping houses looks really hard
