Last night at dusk we were playing outside and my 4yo was pretending to direct traffic as cars went by. A woman rolled down her window and very kindly said “thanks for your help!” and my 4yo, completely seriously goes “you’re welcome. You need to turn on your headlights.”
Me: See that guy right there? I met him in the 6th grade.
10: When there were dinosaurs?
Help
47 years ago today, Soap debuted.
We don’t talk enough about how brilliant and underrated this show was.
This scene. 😂😂😂
My aunts (who are twins) were gonna have a joint 60th bday party, but they got into a fight. Now they’re doing two separate parties on the same day and they’re asking everyone to choose 😩
My dog watching me set my burrito down when I go to answer the door
The legends were true
Collecting my reserved books at the library: They’re under the name Marriott.
Librarian: Oh, like the author!
Me: Huh?
Librarian: You know, the author – Zoë Marriott!
Me, blankly: This… has never happened to me before.
Librarian: All right. Can I have your library card?
A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.
My 6-year-old has recently decided his chicken wings need to be eaten with a fork & knife.
I told him to eat with his hands like usual since he was clearly struggling, and he said, “Mom, I’m older now. Why are you trying to make me eat wild? Like a wolf?”
If Dave Grohl cheated on his own wife? He could cheat on anybody..
Sidled up to a busker who’d just murdered a Franz Ferdinand song yesterday and whispered “this is exactly how the First World War started”.
Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?
Wife: “What did your teacher remember about September 11th?”
Nine-year-old: “She was only four then, she doesn’t remember it at all.”
