Recently I’ve been spending more and more time deep-frying a whole range of fruits and vegetables in batter, such as pineapples, bananas, potatoes, apples and so on.
It’s a lot of fun but I’m worried that I’m frittering my life away.
reverse psychology? that’ll never work
My husband is putting the clean dishes away from the dishwasher so I need to leave the house to avoid damage to my eardrums
do mermaids get waxed or descaled
Erm I’m gonna say no
Serious talk at the office of replacing me with a hairless cat.
who called it rolling over in the grave instead of a plot twist.
My 4YO asked me, “can I take your picture mama cuz you’re so beautiful,” but it was actually because she wanted my phone to look for YouTube videos.
Kids often make sketchy claims that can be easily laughed off but once in awhile you find yourself doing things like checking to see whether “confuzzled” is actually a word.
Working on microwave salmon popcorn for people to use on their last day at a job.
My husband just told me not to look in the vegetable drawer because it would ruin my birthday surprise, but if my birthday surprise involves vegetables, he may be in danger.
The first 16 hours after getting out of bed are the hardest.
The Matrix described 1999 as the peak of human civilization and I laughed because that would obviously not age well but then the next 23 years happened and now I’m like yeah okay maybe the machines had a point
When I told my 12 year old that I’d be back in 1 hour and was 15 mins late:
Him: Where were you, I was worried!
Me: I had to make an extra stop, you could have texted me.
Him: YOU SAID 1 HR!
ME: Sorry……dad?
My Kid: I CAN DO MAGIC
Me: cool, what-
My Kid: I’M A MUSICIAN