I cleaned out my junk drawer and now I have 2 junk drawers.
This flight attendant literally just finished going over safety protocols and said “thank you to those who listened, and good luck to those of you who didn’t. Truly, good luck.” Lmfaooooo
You don’t want grapes on your cookie? What if I told you the grapes were crazy old?
You have to question the modus operandi of people who use Latin for no reason.
I find a hole in one of my socks and think “alright, let’s put it back in the drawer and see if it heals.”
I keep getting blocked by my old math teachers on Facebook for messaging them stuff like “remember when you said I wasn’t always gonna have a calculator in my pocket”
Pilots just fly straight into them clouds init, they don’t even know what’s in them. Could be bricks
This device could predict incoming phone calls.
I want my funeral to have invitations with RSVP requests so my introvert friends can decline but still feel good about being invited.
Dating is great to find the perfect partner for couples therapy
My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice
I didn’t even know this was an option. Considering it.
Time for evil
A dad and his duck
So, hey, the restraining order just expired, wanted you to know
