My daughter dries dishes like she is a rich lady in the witness protection program trying to integrate into a small midwestern town.
Flex on your relatives by answering their phone call.
Your call will be answered in the order in which we draw names from a hat.
Hoping they’ll teach my kid to flush the toilet in college because there are no indications that he’ll figure it out before then
The pottery scene from ghost but it’s me behind you adding more mayo while you’re making me a sandwich.
Teens will open a kitchen cabinet and act shocked that there are no bowls, like they don’t know that every bowl you own is in their room.
Missionary, so we can keep arguing
Weird how the paranormal investigators always assume the ghosts speak English.
Get yourself a cat who can do plumbing 🙂🐾
interviewer: can you explain these gaps in your resume?
me: umm I believe those are from the space bar
you know when you see people you were friends with as a teen and you’re like “wow they got really old” and then you’re like oh no
of course babies cry on planes, as far as they know they’re about to be eaten
The pool supply sales lady told me I should shock my swimming pool once a week, so I keep showing it my senior picture.
Finally! 😈
