This is how techno is made if you didn’t already know
[getting interrogated]
good cop: we just want to understand what happenedbad cop: SPILL IT, PUNK
passive aggressive cop: seems like you could help us pretty easily but whatever, you do you, it’s what you do best
I would like a mode of transportation that only allows me to travel a foot at a time with maximum effort requiring stellar balance.
*pogo stick inventor* I got you.
Me: “I peed three times last night”
Her: “Don’t you hate getting up and going to the bathroom?”
Me: “Getting up?”
Flying Monkey: Notice she only calls us “pretties” when she wants something.
It’s amusing when people wave back at me on hiking trails when all I’m really doing is swatting away flies.
(gathered around the campfire, 1876)
Me: This meeting could have been a homing pigeon
I’m not saying I’ve been doing a lot of online shopping, but now every time our dogs bark, all three kids yell “mom, your Amazon is here.”
Me: God grant me the serenity.
God: What was that? I couldn’t hear you over your screaming kids.
I tried to check your drinking water for quality and freshness. Next time please warn me when it’s sparkly water that will bite my nose holes
my cat just made eye contact and walked over to the vent and vomited directly into it. well played, sir. well played
she would like to bark at the manager, please.
I wonder how many tragedies I’ve prevented by standing nearby with my hands on my hips saying “Be careful!”
I don’t want your pity sandwiches. I mean I’m still gonna eat them and enjoy them. But I don’t want them.
