Me: we can stay at the playground a little longer
3: for forever?! Yay!!
Me: for five more minutes
3: *bursts into tears*
I want the confidence of my sister in-law who said “Isn’t it considerate of these people to add a purse holder?”
Find someone who looks at you like Roger looks at a barbecue.
Mum was fed up of the squirrels stealing all the bird food so she greased the feeder!
pikachu had tasted human flesh and now his hunger could not be satisfied
triple bad room means you have to sleep with the owner’s grandma. who likes her feet rubbed. with butter.
Years ago I promised a now 44 yr old friend I’d marry her if she was still single at 45 I need someone to step up she’s a mess
*opens a bag of popcorn at your intervention*
—Interviewer: Do you have any special skill that can benefit our company?
Me:
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
dogs go woof
and cows go moo.#PoetryDay #RubbishJokes
my parents didn’t raise an idiot i actually did that all by myself
Noted.
PIERRE GASLY WHAT IS THIS ????
there will never be a funnier headline than this one
Spotted the tiniest of cows perched on a fence post today.
