[airplane nose dives]
*turns to kid behind
‘Could you please stop kicking my seat!’
Me to my daughter who is in the swimming pool: I have some water if you need some.
Daughter: *looks around* I have plenty. Thanks.
Hear me out – fortune hotdogs
I call this next one…
That’s Not How Mom Makes It
what’s the point then??
World: What’s the date?
America: Well first and most importantly it’s June
After years of music lessons my kid asked me what an F hashtag was so clearly I can stop saving for Juilliard
Can you imagine if it was normal to say goodbye to everyone in the movie theater? “… have a good one.. enjoyed watching the movie with you..”..
beginning to think I may never inherit a chocolate factory
How to make your house look like a trash can in one easy step:
1. Hand 3yo a muffin on your way to the bathroom.
I know this now.
I just saw a birdbath gravestone, what a great idea, visitors for life..or death I should say
I think this should do it.
New tinder profile pic
Took my 6-year-old to get his 1st Covid shot & afterwards he said, “That didn’t hurt, I’m sure getting a tattoo will be easy.”
If a cop pulls you over and walks up holding a notepad, don’t order breakfast. Apparently it’s not amusing, I’ve already tried it.