North Korea is like that annoying kid in high school who was always threatening you with nuclear weapons
My kids refused to eat the leftover tacos.
My wife said to throw them out.
So I did.Now I don’t know what to do with the tacos….
My latest business venture is not-for-profit, apparently.
My husband is blaming the cat for eating all the cookies and putting the empty package back in the cabinet. Ffs🙀
A robot robbed a bank but was caught when it’s battery died..
Police have no plans to charge the suspect.I’m here all week😬
They should change the name from all you can eat pancake breakfast to 4 or 5 pancakes at most
*locks my car while looking suspiciously at a little old white lady*
they told me to make myself at home so i moved their silverware to the more logical drawer
Prayers for my husband, he married one of those “it’s my birthday month” people.
A girl on TikTok just said she is wearing her aunts vintage top from the early 2000’s and I’m dead.
Absence didn’t work what else ya got?
My tapeworm is demanding a series of expensive property repairs. Any landlords able to provide advice?
Only parents of toddlers know the anxiety of finding a sharpie lid on the floor.
Some people will tell you mosquitoes and spiders play an important role in nature and I’m here to tell you we don’t need those people either
who called it trying to conceive and not kidding?