yes, i’m outside playing, mom!!
Tree:
Tree Doctor: it’s a Tree house
Tree: oh no
Tree Doctor: you have humans
🎶And ewe may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
All archaeology proves is that our ancestors were skeletons and they lived underground.
If we date, pls know I will bird call to you from another aisle in the grocery store
having a teenager is fun because food that was in the kitchen when I went to bed is no longer there when I wake up.
I told my tween son to spend 10 minutes cleaning his room. He then attempted to convince me for the next 20 minutes he was too busy to clean his room.
4: I didn’t know lizards were cold
6:
4:
6: BLIZZards
My son talks a lot of shit about knowing how to sit and not swing in a hammock for someone who is currently sprawled out on the ground underneath a hammock
banned from gardening forum for saying “it was me” every time someone posted and said “help, something is eating my tomatoes”
I found love at ninja school.
Yeah it just crept up on me and totally took me by surprise.
“Teaching sex ed in school will only make kids want to have sex“ yeah right, I had math in school and it really made me wanna math hard all the time
doctor: I’ll need you to remove your underpants
me: *taking underpants off my head* fine
getting my head stuck in the armhole of a mensa shirt