Take the pressure off when folding fitted sheets by not folding the normal ones that well either.
My 5yo woke up early this morning and was playing very quietly because he didn’t want to wake grandpa. I’d never seen anything like it! Apparently all my son needed to play quietly was an adult in the house that he respected.
Thinking about the time a professor commented ‘please justify in the final version’ on my draft and I spent around a 1000 words justifying what I wrote but turns out all she wanted was for me to justify the text alignment 😭
My editor has informed me that I do not know how hyphens work.
I’m not-sure how I feel about-this.
[Kid Training Headquarters]
Kid Boss: When you get home, you must take off your shoes and throw them as far away from each other as possible
Kid Trainee: But shouldn’t we keep them togeth—
Kid Boss: SILENCE, FOOL! YOUR GOAL IS FOR THEM TO END UP IN SEPARATE ROOMS
Sticker placement is key.
I’m so old they didn’t even name my generation. They just called us hoodlums.
Apps are like “wanna skip this ad? Click this tiny x, sausage fingers lol”
TEETH IS INNOCENT
Back to the gym after a lengthy hiatus and noticed they made everything heavier, weird
Them: you don’t strike me as a pacifist.
Me: yeah, that’s kinda the point
*On death bed*
Me: I’ve killed…so many..* whole family gasps while gazing intently*
Me: …so many…DM Rooms
Whoever invented the spoon caused quite a stir.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“I was just-“
“Where am I, Jessica?”
“In the basket.”
“And what does that mean?”
“It’s YOU time?”
“It’s ME time. What else?”
“No touching?”
“No touching.”
if your day doesn’t start with chasing your neighbors chickens out of your yard are you even living your best life?