When I was much younger, my father giving me a sip of some Budweiser beer hoping to somehow sway me from drinking beer. All it did was teach me what beers to avoid.
Describing the weird dream I had over the Walmart intercom until the police are called
This is I, Robot all over again
seems like a niche market
“Half a league, half a league, half a league onward,” though obscure has a better ring to it than 2640 yards, 2640 yards, 2640 yards onward.
my ancestors, who hunted and foraged for whatever food they could get, watching me have anxiety when I’m reading a menu:
she kept her secret snacks under the false bottom of a vintage hat box behind the old hoover vacuum in the guest bedroom closet…amateur
girls please stop wearing Harley Davidson shirts if you don’t listen to his music
I’m a mom of 2 boys. My hobbies include always wondering where that smell is coming from and if it’s safe to pick up that towel or sock on the floor.
My 4-year-old usually wears his hair in a ponytail, but he wants it cut this weekend. This change will make me a little sad, but I also hope it hides his 1980s movie villain personality.
My sweet granny could remember tunes but not lyrics ,so I used to happily fall asleep with ”Hush now baby don’t you shout, I’ll open the window, and throw you out” . Don’t judge
Pretty rude of us to assume his name was Jaws
I had kids because a job negotiating with terrorists just didn’t sound challenging enough.
I must have more than ten fingers because I broke like 17 nails today