Tonight’s to-do list:
-honk
-shoo
-honk
-mimimimimi
“Your guy is late.”
“It’s only been five minutes, chill.”
“Something doesn’t feel right.”
“Everything’s fine, Dave.”
“You sure this is the spot?”
“Yes.”
“And you know this guy is cool?”
“Yes, just relax.”
“Don’t give him the money until-”
“Until I see the kibble, yes I know.”
Me: why is there a graham cracker in my makeup bag?
4: oh, it’s probably mine.
Me: probably?
Greeting humans vs their dogs
Tomorrow is school picture day
Can 9 choose his own clothes? Yes
Did I just remove clothes from his closet I don’t want him to choose? Also yes
Period tracker: 196 days late
Me: *wears white pants
Period: I’m ready for my comeback
professor x: what’s ur superpower
me: i take things literally
professor x: that’s not a superpower
me:
professor x: where’s my pen
My daughter has decided she now eats dark chocolate, the one treat I never had to hide because I was the only one in the house who liked it.
Nothing is sacred.
Oh how the tables have turned Linda…have fun getting out now! 😏😂🐶
She carries herself with such poise, clumsy poise but still.
Tomorrow’s dress up day for my kids school is “throwback to the 2000’s.” Pardon me while I go grab my walker.
Burn microwave popcorn in the lunch room to establish dominance.
No, I understood you perfectly. I just have resting confused face.
I kinda pictured myself robbing banks one day but my handwriting is horrible.
everyone gangster til the tickle monster show up