Hurricane heading this way guys, may lose power & cell service for awhile, so if I should happen to disappear, don’t buy the media’s bullshit, I was not abducted by aliens or taken on a cross country crime spree by some Hooter’s Waitresses… I don’t have that kinda luck.
Them crunching noisily: These cookies you made are huge!
Me: those are chocolate chip pancakes
Got talking to a girl last night, asked her name. She said everyone calls me Vivaldi. I said is that because your a great Violinist.
She said no, it’s because my names Viv and I work at Aldi.😳😳
my coworker threw a paper airplane at me and i was like “on today of all days 😟?” and she looked at me like this
fun fact: originally, Greece was just a bunch of separate countries that were each named Grooce.
only kind of dinner drama i approve of
“Do you have a flavor?”
La Croix: “I have the concept of a flavor.”
once again, i have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes
“Square up your hips.”
“Alright.”
“Your elbows need to come up.”
“Is all this really necessary?”
“Have you seen the news?”
“No.”
“They’re coming for us, Sid.”
I have discovered a lipstick which is guaranteed to help with weight loss
It’s called Elmer’s All Purpose Glue Stick
