[tucking a hotdog behind my ear] I’m off for my run, babe. See you later.
Driving along with my 9yo son and a commercial comes on for “underboob deodorant” and he says “daddy do you use that?” Parenting is bullshit.
My neighbor’s kid said hi but I couldn’t think of his name and said “Hi son of John” like some biblical dude
4 year old has a new bit where he pretends to have a fatal scooter accident. it’s very funny but the other patrons of the farmer’s market seemed alarmed
i think both sides are to blame here
I’ll do a psychic reading for you free of charge on account of I have no idea what I’m doing
Me trying to figure out if this cantaloupe is ripe
Probably the one thing that separates us from the animals is that animals don’t package and sell people crackers.
The cycle continues
Finally got to tell Tilda Swinton that I named my car after her, a 2006 Subaru Forester. And she acted like I just gave her an Oscar: “A robust beast! Can take a beating! Great in water!” Bless you, you beautiful being. ❤️❤️❤️
Kay’s emergency department tape rule:
If a farmer shows up with electrical tape on something, it absolutely needs sutures.
If it’s duct tape, it needs surgery.
– That Spiderman actor just asked if he could borrow a strand of metal to tie a honey-making insect’s coffee cup to the back of his car.
– Tow bee mug wire?
– No, Tom Holland.
If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something please let me know 🙏