I wonder if my heating pad thinks I’m cheating on it when I sleep with my electric blanket.
This painting is titled:
Would It Hurt You To Put The Dirty Bowl In The Dishwasher?
she’s a 10 but Excel thinks she’s October
This will forever be the funniest thing I’ve seen
I don’t care how bad it looks in the casket I want to pay the boatman with fettuccine alfredo
Therapist was right, stress balls are helpful, I’ve been throwing them at people all day and never felt better.
When I say “seriously!” with either of the eyebrows raised, it could be a thinly disguised euphemism for wtf!!!
i’m boycotting girl scout cookies until they’re honest enough to list the serving size as “sleeve”
PMS: Hey, I’m not going to be coming around much anymore
ME: Yay!
PMS: Hold up
ME: What?
PMS: You’re on your way to going through the change
ME: Ahh, I’m finally going to become a butterfly
Two boys in Madagascar scratch the back of a habituated lemur
(Via National Geographic)
Dealing with your ex before driving across town in traffic is great for the blood pressure…
This made me smile to an unreasonable degree 😂
In gangster movies they “know a guy” for every dirty job, yet I can’t find a single rando to fill in for Tuesday softball
Dance like you know what you’re supposed to do with your arms while dancing
Gandalf: Frodo, you have the fortitude to carry the ring and resist its power.
Frodo: *puts the ring on twice in one hour*
Gandalf: ffs