Sidled up to a busker who’d just murdered a Franz Ferdinand song yesterday and whispered “this is exactly how the First World War started”.
Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?
Wife: “What did your teacher remember about September 11th?”
Nine-year-old: “She was only four then, she doesn’t remember it at all.”
Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?!?
For the love of God everyone, please stop growing up!
Genuinely thought they were scouring sponges
Sorry for the delay in texting you back. My internet is slow and it takes a week to arrive at your location
My 6yo told me just before bed she had a quiz the next day so when I questioned why she didn’t tell me when I asked her if she had homework earlier she said “You asked me if I had homework, not a quiz, duh.”
In other news, there’s a kid on sale on eBay.
When I was little my folks would take me to Kmart and I’d walk off straight to security and tell them my mom was lost and get a lollipop.
hand it over!
Chief Wiggum, Springfield PD, here… they’re doing WHAT?
I have a friend who writes music about sewing machines. He’s a singer songwriter.
Or sew it seams.
I hope the cost of living goes down. I’m not built for OnlyFans.
