7YO changed her favorite princess to Anna and now my four year investment in Elsa is worth diddly-squat
I was indifferent to Top Gun: Maverick, but I’m seeing so much good buzz about it that right now I’m going to drop everything and totally watch it on basic cable in a couple of years.
My 5-year-old who just turned 5 talks about being 5 like she’s reached the peak of adulthood, “I’m 5 now.” Relax girlfriend you can’t even open your own fruit snacks.
My husband took away all my son’s devices before he left for work this morning, so I guess he wants to test the strength of our marriage.
I would travel a million miles to be with you for 30 minutes.
Unless I had to walk. Then it’s one block max.
Can I put on a tinder account that I’ve never lost at Wordle, or is that too hot?
If I answer my phone and you ask for me by my full name, there’s a 100% chance we’re about to be disconnected.
“If you’re not on medication no one will know how crazy you you are,” she said red flaggingly.
My spouse wonders why I have a hard time visiting his parents for the whole weekend but it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I have to put a bra on before coffee
Having a little nap on the sofa before taking myself up to bed for my main sleep; I call that a snors d’oeuvre.
me: one Big Mac with no cherries
cashier: cherries?
me: no thanks
A lady just told me that the theatrical release of “Cats!” is what caused the pandemic, and I want to argue, but I can’t.
When someone says “It is what it is,” I reply, “Isn’t it?” so we can both sound useless.
I found an old set of stationary I ordered when I was 10 … will be using it for all future business correspondence
My least favorite part of Top Gun: Maverick was when my girlfriend loudly said “are you crying?” and a bunch of people started looking at me