I’ve already lost 72 ponytail holders this weekend
If you’re a software developer, are you code-dependent…
Is it pspspspsps or spspspspsp?
~ asking for my cat
Just saw a man park, walk into a movie theater, walk out two minutes later with a large popcorn and a fountain soda, get in his car, and drive away. A hero of our time.
Offered my daughter $30.00 to help me get the house clean for our bbq tomorrow.
She hired her younger brothers for $5 each to do her work.
🤦🏻♀️
I highly suggest that you do not google that term.
Argue with me at your own risk. I have cutting comebacks a week later when I’m in the shower.
Drunk yoga, but it’s me trying to get the last drop out of my boxed wine.
My 7yo was taking pics of her sister, and I said, “oh isn’t she pretty” but 7 responded, “no she’s a suspect.”
My first crush was a cartoon lion and I often wonder how he’s doing today
just took 3 times my normal dose of adderall finally gonna get to the bottom of this whole amelia earhart thing
Bought a bag of frozen chopped onions because wedding confetti should be biodegradable and bird safe.
Yesterday I told my husband I was gonna get rid of all the kid’s toys because the house is full and today he told me I couldn’t buy any new ones, as if he thinks I meant it
For all we know, dinosaurs had a strong Australian accent.
The most unbelievable thing in movies is when someone guesses the password of a computer that’s not theirs. I can’t even figure out my own password. That I changed yesterday.