6yo: Newton discovered gravy
Me: gravity, he discovered gravity.
6yo: what’s that?
Me: it’s what stops you floating off into space
6yo: *sadly* he should have stuck with the gravy
Annoying my husband while he watches Star Trek: “Why does everyone in the future wear upholstery fabrics?”
normalize answering the phone saying, “I’M DOING THE BEST I CAN, CAPTAIN”
the three best gummy flavors, together at last
The six year old has started saying “wanna hear a joke” and then reciting various compound words like “watermelon. water. melon. GET IT?!” and i always laugh but just between you and me i don’t get it
the gym is my favorite place to go to listen to people count to 10
5yo: We should get her two gifts
Me: One gift for your friends birthday is fine.
5yo: Okay, okay, okay, we will just get her two then.
if you knew me before my 20s, you never actually knew me. you knew season 1 me. we were severely underfunded and the writing team was going through a lot.
It’s like we’re living in the Dark Ages.
*takes off sunglasses*
Oh.
Stop naming your dogs Bella.
We are full.
Me: I really want to go travelling
My bank balance: like…around the house?
Playing horsey, but it’s just my 2yo granddaughter riding my last nerve.
[at Subway]
Them: What kind of cheese?
Me: Surprise me.[at home]
Netflix: 🔀 Surprise Me?
Me: Not Today Satan.
[News anchor]
“Are things really that bad?”
Moth = Daughter.
Flame = Me, on a work video call.