My 4yo refers to any time in the past as ‘last years ago’ which is about as accurate as when I say ‘the other day’.
before you ask, yes, he can legally do this.
The 30 mins before I start my kid’s bedtime routine are the longest 3 hours of my day
*Opens Google*
What date does Cinco de Mayo fall on this year?
Him: I love nerd girls!
Me: If you have more than 2 freckles, then every freckle on your body makes a triangle. If you move around, every triangle changes shape. That’s how I picture multiple universes.
Him: no. not like that
Today was an exception because the bacon grease splattered me in the eye while I was frying, so naturally I had to eat more bacon than usual because vengeance. But yes, I generally stop at a pound per meal.
me: ..but is it peri-NE-um or per-IN-eum?
priest: for the third time, confession does not need to be this specific
I’m no fan of watching a train wreck, unless that train is pulling boxcars full of delicious delicious Raisin Bran®️
You mean I spent 9 months making this small human just so she can eat all the good snacks?
Everything is about balance. A sombrero with strawberries on the one side and melons on the other, can and will cause you certain problems, I know this now
“Read that again”
No thanks, it sucked the first time.
Bananas in Pajamas was so popular. I can’t figure out why my spinoff, Swiss Chards in Unitards, failed
If I cared about being judged by a stranger, I’d be religious.
saying “i don’t care” and then not being able to sleep because of it is my superpower