So in Ohio if they say ‘it’s raining cats and dogs’ does that mean they’re having an all-you-can-eat buffet?
Telling my son he can’t stay home from school for no reason even though when I was his age I’d blow dry my forehead and tell my mom I had a fever.
In retrospect the What Would Dave Grohl Do wristbands might not be the can’t miss million dollar idea that I thought they would be
you guys HAVE to try the golden retriever in springfield. it is soooo good
[Biker gang initiation]
Hey fellas, do I use baseball or hockey cards in my spokes
I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job
Covert ops
This is Patsy. She fell asleep in the rain and is now convinced she’s having an out-of-body experience. 14/10
7 foot tall undergrad told me that he was going to have to miss class for a game and, not wanting to make assumptions, I asked him what team he was on and he just said “come on” lmao
My kid: mumma today we met our teacher’s teacher. Our grand-teacher.
BRB gotta call my immigrant parents they can’t dogsit anymore
extremely cute girl at chic fil a gave me 4 free food vouchers bc i “seemed cool” then told me she was off in 15 minutes and i just said “hell yea” and left