Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?
wife is going to Sarajevo for work and my father in law was like “be careful, that is not a safe country, archduke Franz Ferdinand was shot there”
Frankenstein?
If I was a boss I would treat my goons right. They would know love. “You got it, boss” will be met with “Stay safe out there, boys. You’re my pride and joy”
toast can’t talk how do you know it’s french
Bro, you’re not allowed to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife anymore
A big dipper? in this astronomy?
Twitter is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.
Found this absolute gem on the floor at work???
I had a dream I was making out with someone with really bad breath.
Judging by the look on my dog’s face, I’d say we had the same dream.
There’s a man in America who claims he can rob supermarkets using telekinesis.
Food for thought, isn’t it?
A woof in sheep’s clothing.
🇺🇸🤭
