Hollywood’s obsession with hacking scenes in movies made me woefully overestimate how many elevators I’d have to “hack” as a programmer
Everyone in Canada is really pretty which means I should probably move there
Accurate description of my life right now. My fitness instructor asked me,what type of squat are you accustom to doing?
I said ‘diddly’
yeah baby i am an animal in bed. more specifically a koala. i can sleep for 22 hours a day
I’m so pale… I don’t send nudes, I send transparencies
Me: It isn’t Max on the original Mad Max movie poster. It’s his friend Goose
Priest: Would anyone else like to say a few words? Perhaps about the deceased this time?
What did one elevator say to another?
Am gonna level with you
My 3yo laughed and said look at this really funny picture of you Dad!
Then he held up my driver’s license
Just said something embarrassing at a party. Prob should leave but I live here
My best quality: telling it like it is.
My worst quality: telling it like it is.
May someone of my non-German mutuals explain German Burger King to me:
Me, at food counter: Those bacon burger sliders look delicious, 3 please .
Her: Sir, those are calves and piglets & this is a petting zoo!
I made a huge to do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
My life is a constant battle between wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends.