Traffic was at a standstill until some guy heroically got out of his car, stared into the distance and threw his hands up in disgust. It started moving after that.
1 mojito, 2 mojitos, 3 mojittos, 4 mojjitus, 5 mogytus, 6 mujhitosos, 7 mojhgbvftos, 8 modfgtrescos
My boss always tells me to work my magic, but if I had magic he’d be on fire
ohhhhhh today’s Friday the 13th, that explains the last two years
Cartoons made it seem like I’d be regularly hit in the head with fallen anvils, but it’s only happened to me three times.
Cartoons made it seem like I’d be regularly hit in the head with fallen anvils, but it’s only happened to me three times.
Breaking the little-known 11th Commandment – thou shalt not covet thy neighbours baguette. Exodus 20:17.
“Why is your stomach making those weird noises?”
Me:
No you cannot be my boyfriend. I am going steady with bread & we are in love.
4 years single just means I have a bachelor’s degree in being alone
(loudly in my apartment in case there’s a murderer here) I love murderers
if we all just stop paying bills at the same time what they gon do
I’m not wrong
“How’d that happen, Bill?”
“I don’t know.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I’m just stumped.”
*gets a new lease on life*
*misses first payment*