I showed my kids Pitch Perfect but now my 7yo is adamantly insisting we form a family acapella group and HOW DO I UNDO THIS????
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
#DolphinDay
My dog when she hears popcorn popping
Cake safety first. Always.
What you call those little potatoes with all the eyes?
Speck taters
With the likelihood of insects being a big part of our future diets, it’s only a matter of time before McDonald’s servers are asking if we want flies with that.
There are two sides to every story. Mine comes with french fries and cole slaw.
My Dad used to sing the “1 Potato, 2 Potato, 3 Potato, 4” song with me, then at dinner I’d cry and throw a tantrum because I thought the song meant we were having mashed potatoes that night. Finally Dad said if I couldn’t behave, maybe I shouldn’t come home on college breaks.
once i realized that sugar is from cane and is clearly a vegetable, the diet really came together on its own
Niagara Falls
Me: “OMG are you okay?! That was a bad one!”
I backed my car away from the intersection so a jogger could run by and they waved at me THREE times.
In my head, we are now married and have two children, Charles and Ariel.
Things books give you unrealistic expectations for:
-mysteriously inheriting from a stranger
-solving murders with zero actual training
-anything romantic ever
Me: How was school?
Toddler: Candice has a different mom.
Me [pours two glasses of wine]: Go on.
I let my son go to bed last night with his Nintendo Switch and he called me a good dad. This parenting shit is easy!