If anyone ever needs you to explain the difference between Americans and Brits, just send them this.
I spoke to my doctor and he said, “if you drink every day you are an alcoholic.”
I’m lucky, I only drink every night.
How am I supposed to find my glasses if I’m not wearing my glasses!?
There’s no graceful way to shove a chocolate truffle in your mouth during an important Zoom meeting.
I’m getting excited that my kid’s birthday is coming up…
mostly because I really need to replenish my gift bag stash.
“When do we learn how to breathe underwater?” My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons.
before therapy: i hate people
after therapy: i feel good about hating people!
Pro tip: if you have a student’s mother email you for a grade change have your mother respond to it.
Fight 🔥 with 🔥
Pinky toes do two things: nothing and break.
I treat the Steam store like the fridge.
I keep opening it to look even though I know there’s nothing in there I want.
RIP to the iPod. Kids today will never know the glory of having these all listed as different artists
Death Cab for Cutie
Death cab for cutie
Death Cab For Cutie
Death Cab for Cu…
RIP to the iPod. Kids today will never know the glory of having these all listed as different artists
Death Cab for Cutie
Death cab for cutie
Death Cab For Cutie
Death Cab for Cu…
“you’re so quiet” i wish you were too
1995: oh cool, an online book store
2025: “please scan this qr code and take a brief survey in order to flush your toilet”
To add insult to injury illiterate is hard to spell.