Can’t believe Flo Rida says “so many girls in here, where do I begin” and “where them girls at” in the same song. They are right in here. So many of them.
When I think about ‘running a tight ship’ I’m reminded that I’m more of a ‘walking a loose boat’ kinda girl.
reduce, reuse, recycle
I don’t mean to brag but I’m a lot more trouble than I’m worth.
Me: No more treats, pal. You’ve already had three.
Dog: Dude, you think I have any idea what “three” means? I’m not even sure how many legs I have.
Teens: Euphoria from a first kiss
Twenties: Euphoria from skydiving
Forties: Euphoria from a price adjustment at Target
snack time! which shapeless, wiggly treat would you rather?
Allow me to slip into something more out the window.
Want to be successful? Just go buy a home. 6 years ago. With your parents money. It’s not that complicated.
*Opening my window like a Disney princess to greet neighbors who are angrily throwing tomatoes*
I should be getting paid for getting up at 3 am. to go pee.
Welcome to Yoga class. You’ll slowly ease into half splits, and then you’ll remain there for the rest of your life.
Any driver who sees this will immediately crash.
[special ops briefing]
Leader: We’re going in deep & hard in the middle of the night
Me: I bet you say that to all the boys
L: Get out
I’m not responsible for your kids learning new words if you don’t tell me I’m on speakerphone.