Zero pick pocket attempts in europe so far. Do my pockets not look abundant? Am I not immersed in the moment? Humiliating.
I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.
Me: It doesn’t have a tail, so I’m pretty sure it’s a hamster.
Tech support: *sigh*
Fine. Right click on your hamster…
me: siiiiigh…f#ck these people
boss: you’re not on mute
me: i know.
Everyone else time travelling: *preventing wars or the spread of disease*
Me: *buys multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making*
The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses
Throws some pepperoni slices into my Mac ‘n Cheese. Adds ‘Master Chef’ to my resume.
Make your kid’s next birthday a surprise party by taking them to Walmart.
I don’t know why my co-workers looked so grossed out. All I said was, “It’s time to make like a tampon and get out of this bloody hole.”
Why do I have to work today? I worked yesterday! What more could you possibly want from me.
We will use anything but the metric system
Sharks 🦈 waiting on there food delivery 😂
I can’t stop watching this.
