gas pump: see attendant
me: looks like i no longer need gas
Yesterday my son told me I was the funniest person he knows which was so sweet. Then he asked for twenty dollars.
Imagine meeting the man of your dreams…
and he says, “prolly.”
I’m not proud of the person I become when I see a cheese tray at a party.
Looks the same on the way in, as it does on the way out
All I’m saying is a hunk of burning love doesn’t sound safe.
My husband asked if I wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride but there’s just something about a flame & a wicker basket that makes me want to say no.
I’m annoyed giraffes don’t eat birds directly outta the sky
Drop a house on me, so I know it’s real
cool hat i found in the hospital bathroom for a cowboy like myself
If Spiderman gets a lady pregnant, does she have 1 baby, or like 10,000?
Well, Well, Well if it isn’t the words I was told I would eat one day.
this is literally a CIA plant
