This morning I did ten sit ups. Doesn’t sound like much, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
Was Darth Vader a humidifier or dehumidifier?
🎶Well you can tell by the way I clumsy walk
I’m an awkward girl, don’t wanna talk
Mumble sounds, eyes look down
I’ve been trippin ’round since I was born
And it’s all right, it’s okay
Please just look the other way
🎶
🎶Well you can tell by the way I clumsy walk
I’m an awkward girl, don’t wanna talk
Mumble sounds, eyes look down
I’ve been trippin ’round since I was born
And it’s all right, it’s okay
Please just look the other way
🎶
I don’t trust any company that has a commercial with happy employees in it.
Day 302 of my husband and I both working from home:
Me: *tapes note to microwave reminding coworkers to PLEASE CLEAN UP SPILLS THIS MICROWAVE IS FOR THE WHOLE OFFICE
Me: You just had a bath, please stay clean
My 4-year-old:
Sure sex is great but have you ever made the right amount of rice?
Me: Please stop asking me a question every five seconds. I just want to sit on this couch and rest.
Therapist: Umm…you do know where you are, right?
Me: AGAIN with the questions!!
9 yo: Mom, please don’t put cheese in my lunch today.
Me: Too late. Havarti packed it.
9 yo: MOM
Please don’t bother me while I am playing Tetris*
*taking everything out of my attic and then fitting it all back in
[leading my blindfolded boyfriend through my messy apartment] isn’t this exciting babe?
ok like just. call me at this point
Time really flies when you when you’re down a man at a crime scene clean up.
Hey! This is your home!
It’s kinda messy… but you’ll get use to that!-my 6yo, welcoming his new baby sister 😂😂💀