People fear what they don’t understand:
Change
Death
4th grade math word problems
Note for people married to fanatical hikers: when they say “let’s get out and walk a little,” your idea of a little might be to that ice cream stand over there and theirs might be 5 miles.
my inner child wanted to run and slide across the wood floor in my socks and now my outer adult has a hip out
Is it a bad sign when your 8 year old laptop starts smoking?
Or is it just going through a rebellious phase?
A brother from my ward really ticked me off this week, so I made sure to get my family to church early and take the pew his family usually sits in.
My reaction to being on a flight with a lot of kids is that I really wish they made light up theme sneakers in my size
my beach body is like my amazon package: delayed indefinitely
Baby will you be my friend with benefits cause I have an upcoming procedure and don’t have health insurance.
The dark side of Canada
my sister: why do you delete so many tweets?
me: sometimes you don’t know something’s really stupid until you send it out into the world
my mother: *staring at me just a second too long*
Welcome to your 40s: nice olive oil collection.
Life Hack: Get a dog and a cat and name them Resident and Occupant. Now that junkmail isn’t annoying, it’s adorable.
Me: I’m going to be late.
Boss, over the phone: What happened?!
Me, stuck up to my neck in rice: Well, funny story…I couldn’t find a towel.
Sometimes I think about when I was at an event when I was 20 and I asked this guy to dance and he said after I eat my cake. After he finished that piece he went back for another piece…and another. He just kept eating cake. So. Much. Cake. I’m still waiting on that dance.
If you want to know how the week is going, I just took a pillowcase out of the dryer, put it over my head thinking it was a t-shirt to wear to bed, spent 15 seconds inside it searching for the neckhole, and then mumbled “what is this, pants?”.