[pronounces modeling like yodeling]
Legally you’re obligated to say “I’ll be glad when all this construction is finished” any time you drive through construction.
Accidentally used my kids’ toothpaste this morning & now I can’t stop asking “why” every time my wife speaks to me
There are two rules in life:
1. Never tell anyone everything.
Stealing endorsements is not how you become the president of the United States, homie. Leave my name out ya mouth…
I love when people tell me to get my act together and I’m like who the hell is acting geez.
Google reviews are always so mixed..
If I were a bumblebee, this leg hair would be an asset.
My child’s math problem says that Lisa bought 5 loaves of bread that cost $0.25 each and 6 lbs of beef that cost $1.25 per pound and the only information I need is where does Lisa do her grocery shopping.
I told a guy on MySpace 16 years ago I would brb. I. Never. Brb’d.
“So how did you get into Classical Music?”
Me:
just witnessed a drug deal
If you want someone to sing 2 seconds before or after they’re supposed to then I’m your girl
listening to jazz: do any of them know what the other ones are playing
Oh sure, straight women call their female friends their “girlfriends” all the time, but when I wanna play smash bros with the guys suddenly “inviting my boyfriends over to smash” is “inappropriate”???