When I bought a new carpet my dog become a shark
As a doctor, I can confirm
I told my therapist I was upset she raised her rates again and she said that while I can’t control the situation, I can do something to control my reaction.
Now this is my first time cooking poisonous blowfish, so go easy on me.
God tier horse name today on the sims
Calm down shouty man. I didn’t “tell” my toddler to throw chicken nuggets at joggers. She did it herself.
Someone just called country music ‘farm emo’ and I’m dying
Oh good, I was hoping for a terrifying, fungus-related dystopian nightmare today
Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve hardly touched your Wallace and Gromelette.
OP deleted but I saved my stupid joke for posterity anyway
I’m bout to start telling people “land your plane” when they’re talking in circles..
Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.