This salad I’m having for lunch tastes a lot like I’m having a greasy burger and onion rings for dinner.
Finally
And here I am – not at Coachella – again. Thank the gods.
My wife bought me a nice jacket at a second hand store but it has the name Bubba embroidered on it, I guess I’m Bubba now.
I changed my hubby’s name and pic to the Easter Bunny in my phone so my kid can text “him”
I freaked out later when EB was calling me.
Mensa should be contacting me any day now.
I’m going to get so many free clothes when the rapture comes.
when no one’s looking worms use shovels to dig
5-year-old thought it was living room and dying room as opposed to living room and dining room. No wonder meal times have been so stressful.
I heard many of these stories growing up…. 😂😂😂
A chip tracker but it’s just me following the potato chip crumbs dropped by my toddler
The lady from HR challenged me to name one of my boss’s good qualities and the best I could come up with is “he’s biodegradable”
Pretty disrespectful of Jesus to rise during Passover when his body was made of bread.
How have I got to this age and I still haven’t figured out what you’re supposed to do with your arms when you’re trying to get to sleep.
“But I don’t want to, Dad!”
“Tough”
“The people are horrible”
“You’re still going”[next day on Earth]
JESUS *grumpily* so I’m back
My friend got a job at the dry cleaners but he got stressed out because he always mixed up the orders and kept upsetting the customers.
So the boss sent him to do a course in hanger management.