Found this absolute gem on the floor at work???
I had a dream I was making out with someone with really bad breath.
Judging by the look on my dog’s face, I’d say we had the same dream.
There’s a man in America who claims he can rob supermarkets using telekinesis.
Food for thought, isn’t it?
A woof in sheep’s clothing.
🇺🇸🤭
wait a minute….
Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular
If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. Also, I’ll tell my mom
based
No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.
I don’t work from home because there are too many distractions. My house has a TV and a PlayStation and it’s impossible to concentrate on these if I have to work.
I never found the Headless Horseman that impressive, because the horse still has a head and is clearly doing all the navigating. My first thought wouldn’t be “demon guy” it would be “service horse, make sure not to pet it”
My neighbor, whose name I thought was Chuck (for two years), told me his name and I immediately forgot it.
I thought there had to be another explanation for why they disappear but a repairman just took apart my washer machine AND IT WAS FULL OF LOOSE SOCKS
My dog couldn’t find his favorite toy so I got on my hands and knees and crawled around the house for 10 minutes looking under all the furniture, and he was SO excited for me to be down there with him, I could tell he was like “YES she finally figured out how to walk”