me to God
Wolf: [in sheep’s clothing] let me in
Pig: nope
Wolf: [walking away] this costume sucks
PSA: if you are experiencing performance issues in Stardew Valley 1.6, remove all hats from pets. We will address the problem as soon as possible
Met someone on a dating app and my message autocorrected nice to meet you with nice to wet you so that was an immediate match for him.
Frantically deleting all my negative tweets about The Hamburglar after I get a job at McDonald’s
I just locked eyes with a spider.
But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.
Nicole Kidman said WHAT?!
the internet helped stupid ppl find other stupid people, making them all think it’s okay to be stupid.
The horror of touching the spoon on the bin when disposing of a tea bag.
Another spoon will now be on stirring duty. A pure spoon.
The worst part of getting new shoes is the breaking in phase. Once you’ve broken into the shoe shop, the rest is easy.