didn’t even know there was an election going on. as a registered voter in the state of pennsylvania, i wish someone could text me 12-15 times a day in an increasingly desperate tone about this upcoming event, which i had forgotten about
Alright I’m tired and I’m pretty much out of fake mustaches. I’m going to stop voting now.
Not with that attitude
This seems like peak sibling energy
me: you can’t take all that candy to school
son: then what do I do with it?
me: you leave it here
son: here? with you?
I love reading newspaper websites. The screen refreshing on its own 3 times in quick succession, the text disappearing halfway down the article, a random video advert suddenly filling the screen, the whole page unexpectedly closing for no reason. Great experience.
Boss: What are you working on?
Me: Nothing. It’s Friday.
Boss:
Me:
Boss:
Me: I meant omg so much stuff.
For those of you wondering how many Reese’s cups you can eat without having a Reese’s cup hangover the next day, the answer is less than 18
[walking past my neighbor cleaning up all his yard skeletons the day after halloween] holy fucking shit what happened here
Roses are red
Pizza sauce is too
I ordered a large
And none of its for you
The walk of shame takes on a whole new level when it’s the morning after a Halloween party and you’re dressed as a Ninja Turtle.
Be vigilant
“WHAT DEVILRY HAVE YE WROGHT!” I yell at my kid when I discover what he did to my YouTube algorithm
You’re telling me he could’ve gone by “Hugh Mungo”?
