My partner is the most pure of heart person alive lol
True story 🤣
Saw the washing machine only had 6 minutes left so I decided to wait in the basement until it was done. That was 4 hours ago.
Serving time in more than one prison is polyslamory.
The theme park we’re going to in the morning has free unlimited soft drinks. So if my calculations are correct, the kids will have diabetes by 1 pm.
Judging by the hair on my black shirts , I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.
I once read a book about an assassin that would identify at least 5 items in any room that he could use to kill everyone else in the room with him if need be.
When I enter a room I identify at least 5 places I could take a nap if I need to.
Cop lights are so pretty at night
me: lmao i saw it on twitter
them: what’s your twitter
me: i don’t have twitter
dispatch, i’m on scene here in the woods. victims name is fudd. damnedest thing i ever seen. his rifle’s bent so the barrel was pointin back at him. witness said a rabbit run off right after the shot. yeah his head is off at the shoulders, clean. get me next of kin if ya can.
I asked my Gramma which walker she preferred to use.
She said Johnnie.
I enjoy a good horror movie before bed so I can be POSITIVE there is a demon in my closet waiting to possess me.
ew if literal: let me be clear
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