My hips don’t lie because they be like, “Fool, you gonna need some ibuprofen tonight after thinking you could play tag with your kids.”
I’ve only been awake for an hour, but I’ve already been fooled 38 times.
[debate]
ME: i think you’ll find that the point is moat
OPPONENT: i believe you mean the point is moot
ME: [raising my drawbridge] i do not
When my 7yo gets mad at us she goes to her room and scream-sings angsty made up songs and I wonder if this is how Alanis got her start too
12yo wants to stay home from school because her foot hurts, like that’s a legit excuse that I didn’t use on my own parents to try to get out of school.
i was so happy to be snuggled on the couch with both my kids when my sweet daughter turned to me, patted me and sweetly said “mommy you have a big big tummy”
parenting is not for the faint of heart
My kid can name 32 crayon colours but when I ask what colour was that car that backed into our’s he’ll say “a bit like my yesterday’s poop”
First pedicure of the season…my nail technician took one look and started stretching
WebMD on April Fools: You’re fine
I have the financial security of a much, much younger man
Me: *wakes up*
My body: whoa whoa whoa show down there cowboy
Just landed my first triple axel tripping over the cat
I’m on to you, Jake Gyllenhaal. I know you’re hiding another vowel in your name.
I hate when I’m walking around the office and realize that I left my pants hanging on the hook of the bathroom stall door.
Kids will keep you humble. If not by their words, then by the picture they drew of you.