I don’t know what I was expecting but, it was not that 😁
Been fired from my job in the sewer. Twenty years down the drain.
i’m so sick of this guy
“omg you’re a paramedic! what’s the worst thing you’ve seen?” bro my paycheck
me in my 20s with my 60 year old back pain
*Hour 3 in the trampoline park*
My oldest has said “watch this” 212 times
My youngest is running wild in a pack of feral six-year-olds
A woman screams in the distance “Jaden, Jaxon”
There is still no bar
eating beef jerky and thinking that cow probably shoulda drank more water
who called it girl dinner and not the female graze.
I wish I loved anything as much as teenage baggers at the grocery store love treating my fruit like it was made of adamantium.
A Canadian pilot was hesitant about landing in the crosswind, so Benny from Maintenance has fixed his plane.
Explaining to my wife that she should induce labor now so our son will be the first kid named Cybertruck.
When I bought a new carpet my dog become a shark
As a doctor, I can confirm
I told my therapist I was upset she raised her rates again and she said that while I can’t control the situation, I can do something to control my reaction.