Captain: I’m really nervous about giving this speech.
Sun, rubbing his shoulders: Don’t worry, big guy. You got this.
i type in all lowercase because i hate capitalism
You don’t marry the good parts of a person, you marry the entire person–their faults & failures included. The trick is to look beyond the negative & focus on the parts you love.
If you were my wife and you came home to that note on top of a broken vase would you still be mad?
The fastest way to break your favorite mug is to say “I love this mug”.
take that, baby!!! he knows what he did.
Twitter remains undefeated
Having to shovel is so rude. It’s like I have to clean up after the earth, too?
Why is the recorder so ubiquitous in school music class?? If any kid was ever actually good at playing the recorder, we would all know of at least one adult who eventually went pro
R – E – S – P – E – C – T
J – K – L – M – N – O – P
this post was so formative to me
Avoid getting crumbs in your bed by eating in your kid’s bed.
Does anything good ever escape from a lab
Accidentally called my therapist mom again. He was not pleased.
A girl named ReAnne laying in bed each night wondering if she had an older sister named Anne and where she went wrong
WHY DO SWEDISH SHIPS HAVE BARCODES PRINTED ON THE SIDE?
SO YOU CAN SCAN-DA-NAVY-IN