I still have all the energy to go to concerts and stay out until two am.
I do not, however, still have the energy for the next day.
I’m very jealous of people who can take selfies with their dogs. My dog is like OH BOY WE ARE SITTING TOGETHER I LOVE YOU LICK FACE FOREVER
I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life.
It’s called an oughtobiography.
Boomers will say no one makes good music anymore then put on some Bob Dylan song that sounds like a bridge troll’s riddle being played in reverse
I only look at Wordle for the articles
No, I’m not proud to be eating Cheetos with chopsticks but I’m knitting so I do feel kinda smart.
Netflix: “Are you still watching? Do you have any hobbies?”
I only eat wild caught salmon because I like to know the fishermen had a good time
“Don’t sit down and wait for the opportunities to come. Get up and make them.”
*sandwiches
my mothers motherly urge to make sure you are eating no matter how full you are
and then suggest you lose weight
My 7yr old walked up with a candy wrapper she’d found in the garbage “WHAT is this? Did YOU eat this?” “Yes, I bought it. At the store. With my own money.” I replied, beads of sweat forming on my forehead. I didn’t do anything wrong but oh how I felt like I really, really did.
Barry Cryer’s “Half an orange” bit always stuck with me. I just appreciate the absurdity and “non-joke” of it.
Remember the old ‘yawn and stretch’ move in the cinema with your crush?
This is my first Apocalypse, I don’t know what to wear.
“Constructive criticism” was invented by some tyrant as a way to say, “I’m going to upset you and you’re going to thank me.”