My theory is, “things can’t be too bad if I can still laugh about it”
This has led to me making jokes at WILDLY inappropriate times
“Stop stealing your sister’s imaginary hot chocolate” is not a sentence I ever expected to say, let alone saying it multiple times at increasing volume
The main city in DuckTales being called ‘Duckburg’ is mad. Imagine a human city called Manchester
There’s so much going on 😂😂😂
[Mom group]
New mom: My six-month-old is teething.
My mom: My 30-year-old won’t move out.
I left Wyoming because I got tired of scrolling all the way down to find my state.
I once started a “Think for yourself” cult and nobody came back after the first meeting.
My husband’s birthday is soon and today I put a reminder on the calendar to buy him a gift.
Our shared calendar.
At least he already knows not to expect much.
5: what’s for dinner
Me: chicken
5: cow chicken or human chicken?
inventor of shirts: sleeves are awesome
inventor of vests: disagree
inventor of turtlenecks: there should be three of them
The moment I said “iligalbility” I knew it was time to put the glass of wine down.
That and the fact that the bottle was empty.
Get in, octopus. We’re gonna open jars and do some taxes.
He stares up at the sign, tears streaming. Arthur “Pantless” Jackson smiles. The search has taken him 10 years and to 14 countries. He opens the door. The clerk looks up from his phone. “Can I help you?” he asks. “Yes,” says Arthur, “I’m Jackson, and I believe you have my pants.”
I still don’t unmute myself often on group calls at work, but my comically overt nodding game has never been stronger.
My MIL told my (Canadian) kids to pick something she can send them from Target. Without hesitation my 6yo asked if Target sells diamonds. My work here is done.