they always announce when a famous person dies but they never announce when a famous person is born
Don’t give me instructions to your place that have words like “eastward” or “kilometres” and then get mad when I don’t show up
[inventor of frisbee]
“I hate this plate”
NASA is launching a new mission to say sorry to the aliens, they are calling it, “Apollo G”
Finally!
Finally!
The opposite of a vegan is a Texan
[inventor of frisbee]
“I hate this plate”
📂Years
└📁 2022
└📁 Good stuff
└⚠️ This folder is empty
6YO said she’ll never be able to appreciate winter, cause snow on the bushes reminds her of cauliflower
ME WATCHING ANY MARVEL MOVIE AFTER ENDGAME:
Wait, so society is expected to just carry on as if this insane collective trauma never happened? That’s ridiculous.ME IN 2022:
Oh.
[at Home Depot]
Cashier: That’ll be $25
Me: Here’s a gift card that should have some money on it
Cashier: *scans card* That’ll be $24.84
10 just said the 6 words every parent dreads hearing:
‘I need to practice my recorder’
can’t talk rn I’m busy cyberbullying people who paint over solid wood antique furniture
My couch doubles up as a bed, a work station, a cheeto hiding place…. it’s like the other furniture isn’t even trying!