Me: I’m sick. Do we have any ginger ale?
Wife: No, just ginger beer.
Me: Does it work the same?
Wife: I don’t know.[9 Moscow Mules later]
Me [on front lawn, naked except for a cowboy hat]: IT WERKS BETTAH
Skip intro
this interaction always makes me laugh, no hard feelings 🙂
you’re not fooling anyone
In search of a lawyer who handles the most heinous of crimes. My 4yo woke me up at 5:30 this morning by sneezing in my face and then hopped away like a bunny.
They ALWAYS scream at you when it’s raining like it’s your fault😂
It’s that simple 👊🏻
“eat what’s in season” the health people said
Me:
Voting for coroner
Remember kids, no matter who wins tomorrow, you’re still going to pay too much for avocados.
My youngest kid’s description of the “bestest burger” is just bun.
Nothing but bun.
Not even a patty.
Just the bun.Bread.
The kid likes bread.
I’m sorry, but the $5.00 you gave me off my first order is not worth receiving emails every day for the next 200 years
If you get an I Voted sticker for voting early, you should be able to scan it on your TV and all political ads should be replaced by normal commercials
netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language” bro translate it