“Wow, Awesome costume.”
“Step out of the vehicle, sir.”
Damnit Dave can’t you keep a secret?
When we’re old the children will use covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to boomers with lead. It is fate
certified hallow’s eve classic
villager: ah! run! it’s frankenstein!
dr. frankenstein: actually, i’m frankenstein. you can call him frankenstein’s-
frankenstein’s monster: *glaring*
dr. frankenstein: frankenstein’s friend
my kid has gone trick-or-treating in the same costume for 3 or 4 years in a row. no attempt to entertain the neighborhood, just punching the clock and taking their candy. 🫡
when i was 20 my grandma made me a homemade rhino costume. no costume party no nothin i just wore it to work
My husband got stung by a bee on the forehead,he’s at the hospital now.
Face all swollen and bruised,he almost died…..Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel !!!
my dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent
learning about math 🧐 📝
Good lord
A little boy just said thank you after taking a sweet and then wished me a very enthusiastic merry Christmas
KitKats are really good for you… they are mostly air, which is oxygen.
Told my kids I’m gonna be a toilet for Halloween cause of all the shit I take from them.
I’ll have enough candy left for trick or treaters tonight… if there are only 8 of them.
And they come in the next 15 minutes.