Um, yes, I love this place. How much is the deposit?
“Ma’am, this is a psych ward.”
“what the fuck could you possibly be doing on the roads at 3am on a monday morning” me, to other cars, while I am also on the roads at 3am on a monday morning
Canister ✅
Pail ✅
Pot ✅
Can ✅
Scuttle ✅Just ticking off my bucket list.
Think you have only one chin? Let your kid take a picture of you from their POV and you will find you are sorely mistaken.
thought i lost my wallet today but then i found it. free endorphin booster if you’re stupid enough
This is setting unrealistic beauty standards for men. We can’t all kill someone
if you’re a public defender named mario you have the chance to do the funniest thing ever
It’s beginning to look a lot like “everyone’s manners and driving skills have disappeared” time of year again
Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?
please don’t invite me over if you have a leather couch that’s peeling. i will peel it some more when you’re not looking
Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.
Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.
When texting a woman while she is mad and you see them 3 dots for like 5 minutes then they just disappear….. start running
i said it was my favourite show, i didn’t say it was good
If any of you ever do a podcast about the best foods to eat in the shower, I’ll be your “expert” guest.